Yakuza Mayhem
by lavariel
Summary: What if the summon section has to infiltrate as STRIPPERS at Oriya's bar in pursuit of a yakuza playboy leader? Just read and find out!
1. chapter one

YAKUZA MAYHEM CHAPTER ONE: HUSKY TACTIC BY: YUKIE-CHAN  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTES:  
  
The characters I used aren't mine, I just borrowed them so, don't sue me, okay? Wai! My hand just got better after a day of rest. I just got this thought in my head and thought that it might interest you guys!  
  
~ * ~ * ~ *~  
  
"WHAT?!" the whole summon section screamed in chorus.  
  
"We have no other option, the case had been forwarded to the Yamma Agency." Konoe replied.  
  
Veins were popping on everybody's heads. "And what makes you think we'll do that?" Tatsumi's stern expression was scarier than usual.  
  
"May I just remind you, that I was molested, no, RAPED by a fucking pervert so, how the hell do you expect me, to undercover as a stripper?! Hell, even Tsuzuki, my partner for almost two years, haven't even seen a single private part of my body! So, why the fucking mother of all stupidity, do you expect me to striptease for an old, horny yakuza leader?!" Hisoka was the most furious regarding the topic.  
  
They should have been scared by the boy's remark but instead they were busy discussing something.  
  
"Ne, Tsuzuki, you haven't seen bon's body? That's weird since you two are lovers. Don't you even think of naughty thoughts at night when you both sleep on the same bed? Ne, Tsuzuki, tell me! Don't be so selfish!" Watari said, imagining Hisoka's body after taking his sex-changing potion.  
  
We aren't lovers! The boy was turning red with fury now as nobody listened to him "Idiots! You aren't even listening to me?!"  
  
They all ignored the boy's remark as Tatsumi, Terazuma, Wakaba and even Konoe that dirty, old man! went in their little, nosy conversation. "Oi, Tsuzuki-san, just make sure you don't do those kind of * things * during office hours!"  
  
"Bu---but, we aren't lovers!"  
  
"LIAR!?"  
  
"I'm not lying! I even have a hard time touching him, daka---"  
  
"I bet they do it when were not looking! They have all the time they want in their apartment!" they all nodded.  
  
"and maybe that's the reason why Hisoka-san saved Tsuzuki from Touda's flames!"  
  
"that's right! If Tsuzuki died, he wouldn't have a playmate anymore!"  
  
"Waah! Don't discuss everything all on your own! Hey. I'm still here." Inu-Tsuzuki turned into his puppy form and pouted.  
  
"IDIOTS!" Hisoka's ignored presence was engulfed with fire and flames.  
  
And this didn't go unnoticed by his partner. "hi. hisoka-chan?" man, he's scary! "ne, you don't have a reason to get angry! I mean they're just joking and---"  
  
But it was too late. Hisoka's temper exploded and left a lump on everyone's head. "Idiotic perverts?!" the boy said as he stormed out of the room. Inu-Tsuzuki followed him with a reddening 3 lumps on his head. "You didn't have to be so angry, Hisoka-chan!"  
  
Tsuzuki almost flinched when Hisoka eyed him with his famous death glare. "How many times have I told you not to call me 'hisoka-chan', you sick, overgrown idiot!" another lump.  
  
"ow. you're such a meanie."  
  
************ after two days.   
  
"Yay! We're ready to go!" Watari happily said as they were on their way to Kyoto. "Good thing, the boss arranged everything so that we could stay at Oriya's place."  
  
Hisoka stopped dead in his tracks. "You mean, we're going to striptease in * that * bar?  
  
"Kurosaki-kun, we talked about this before, haven't we?" Tatsumi said, clenching his fists that made the two of them shut up.  
  
************* on reaching Kyoto.   
  
"I bet any brothel or bar in town would recruit you." Oriya said as he licked his lips and looked at the boy from head to toe.  
  
Hisoka was wearing an ultra-tight shirt with four unbuttoned buttons, complete with a very short tightpants. I don't really think you can call it tight pants anymore. Just imagine how sexy he is ^^ " It was almost curving a v-shape at his groin. He was blushing madly. "How come, I'm the only one wearing this--- this sexy piece of shit?!" he spat out angrily.  
  
Oriya grinned maniacally as he replied, "Men here doesn't enjoy matured strippers, they love fresh ones."  
  
I can gladly pierce his heart over and over and then dissolve it in acid! Hisoka thought. "Oi, Oriya, you don't expect me to strip my clothes in front of a horny audience!"  
  
"of course not. I'm going to bid. er.. Have an auction to who gets to take you home tonight." Oriya said, lighting a cigarette.  
  
More anime veins popped out of the boy's head. Talk about being sold like a useless piece of shit! "I'm outta here!"  
  
Tatsumi held the boy's wrist before he could flee. "that's not the main plan, Kurosaki-kun. I'm not finish explaining it yet."  
  
Hisoka reluctantly obeyed and returned to his place. fuck you, Tatsumi! I guess the main plan is that I have to sleep with ten dirty old men every night, huh?   
  
Tatsumi then cleared his throat as he tried to suppress a blush that crept to his cheeks. "The main plan is, Kurosaki-kun will sing a sexy number and then, Oriya would start the bidding and---" his sentence was cut short by Tsuzuki, who had been damn quiet for too long.  
  
"ne, you mean, 'soka-chan's gonna sing? Wai! I loooove to hear his voice!" Hisoka shot him a glare that made Tsuzuki sweatdropped and kept quiet.  
  
"So, as I was saying," Tatsumi continued, "I'm going to have to to bid the highest so I can have him and then make the other men jealous. And I presume that one of those men is our target since he's a playboy. And Tsuzuki will come with me."  
  
for all your damn tactics, Tatsumi! "what do you mean 'by making other men jealous'?" Hisoka said, eyeing him suspiciously.  
  
"Well, uhm, since I . I mean, we bought you. We should. uhm. fondle you a bit to make them jealous, of course." Tatsumi sweat dropped when another vein popped out off the boy's head and Watari and Tsuzuki were having green thoughts already. "This is our job. This is not having fun, Tsuzuki, Watari; we have a case to solve.  
  
As the others left, Hisoka was still memorizing a piece called 'Deep Forest by Do As Infinity'. Oriya smirked as he tended to brush the boy's cheek. "I'm excited for your performance, sexy boy." Then, he left.  
  
This is gonna be the most embarrassing day of my life! Hisoka thought as he stepped unto the center of the stage.   
  
end of chapter one  
  
author's notes: so, that was it! Do you still want me to continue? Please review and tell me what you think! Again, thanks for reading! 


	2. chapter two

Yakuza Mayhem  
  
Chapter two: Honorable Bet  
  
By: yukie-chan!  
  
Rating: PG-13 for the language   
  
Disclaimers: I don't own Yami no Matsuei or the song Fukai Mori. That is all.  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Wai! It's almost been two weeks before I updated, gomen for that. Anyways, thank you for all those who read and reviewed my fic, you made me very happy since I was quite depressed these past days. Also, ideas and suggestions for the fic are always welcome and I kinda skipped the singing part ^ ^ '' Till then, on with the fic!  
  
~ ~ ~  
  
"Boku-tachi wa, samayoi nagara  
  
ikite yuku doko made mo furikaeru  
  
michi wo tozashi  
  
aruite'ku eien ni"  
  
The blond singer's almost feminine voice echoed throughout the bar as lust- filled eyes undressed the youth. Eyes maniacally staring at him from head to toe, minds full of perversions, what more could you ask for? The blond fellow paused for a moment, waiting for the right rhythm. Why are they staring at me like I'm dinner? Oh. this is a club, anyway. he closed his eyes then sung the last part of the song.  
  
"tachisukumu koe mo naku  
  
ikite yuku eien ni."  
  
Emerald eyes opened as the music faded. oh, damn! What am I supposed to do next? Uhm. oh, I have to bow and.. Oh, never mind, Oriya will take care of this anyhow. "Domo arigatou!" then, he bowed.  
  
Afterwards, from behind the boy, a mature yet manly voice was heard. "I think you've done a good job, sweetie."  
  
Then Hisoka realized who it was, Oriya, who else? But who was this man, brave enough to call him a 'sweetie'? Again, this was THEIR mission, THEIR job, nothing else.  
  
"I think it's time to make our customers happy, ne?" Oriya continued, receiving muffled voices of lust and desire and most were addressed to the young Shinigami.  
  
"Yeah! Come here, baby!"  
  
"NO! He's MINE!"  
  
"Well, fuck you, I'm first and first come, first serve!" the man who made the earlier remark, went up the stage and grabbed Hisoka by the shoulders. He was about to kiss the youth when suddenly, another customer punched him on the face.  
  
"TOO BAD for you, sucker! Can't you see HE doesn't want you?!"  
  
hisoka was blushing madly as he spotted a laughing Tsuzuki, a smirking Tatsumi and a winking Watari. But apparently, the noise was getting louder. Oriya was having a hard time keeping the perverts off the stage.  
  
"Hands off, old man! You can have him tomorrow but I'm first!"  
  
"C'mon, sexy boy, give me that cute little ass!"  
  
"NO!" Hisoka shakily jerked his body away from those eager hands.  
  
Behind all the confusion and noise, a husky, sexy voice said loudly and clearly, much to the boy's dismay, "Wouldn't it be happier if you striptease for us?" he then turned around to the perverts around him. "Well, what do you think? That's much better than us fighting over this beauty." Hisoka shivered.  
  
Then, there was a moment of silence. He was almost relieved, believing it was over if not another rampage was before him.  
  
"Hey, nice idea!"  
  
"You're a genius boy!"  
  
"Hmph! That's what I call an expert!" Everyone laughed.  
  
Hisoka sweat dropped. What were these guys thinking? This WASN'T part of the plan! What was he supposed to do? And the scary thoughts went on and on until Oriya broke the noise as he settled down.  
  
"Everyone, please settle down." Everyone toned down a bit.  
  
He cleared his throat then continued, "Unfortunately, this boy is new to these kinds of *things*. I think it is best that one person here could teach him some *techniques* and have him tonight," a pause. "Anybody here who can bid a respectable high price for this young man, gets it!"  
  
Hisoka shivered as he saw the naughty expressions on their faces. Tatsumi, you get me out of this mess OR ELSE!   
  
"Not bad!"  
  
"I don't mind bidding all my money just to have him!"  
  
"Hmph! Now, I'm even more accurate that's he's mine tonight!"  
  
"Oh yeah? Kiss my ass, I'll bid in African dollar! Beat that!"  
  
Oriya was getting VERY impatient. "So, shall we start?"  
  
"Two thousand yen!"  
  
"Darn! Make it two thousand and fifty!"  
  
The blond boy sweat dropped. How far would these perverts go just to have a piece of him? let's just see how desperate they are!   
  
"four thousand!"  
  
"four thousand, eight hundred!"  
  
Oriya grabbed the boy's shoulders and remarked, "C'mon men, I know you're better than that! There's still a lot more left in here!" Hisoka blushed as hungry eyes stared at him again. "Higher! This IS fresh and young!"  
  
"He's going to be mine! Ten thousand!"  
  
"You're cheap, man! Make it fifteen thousand!"  
  
"Stop talking when you're cheap youself! Eighteen thousand!"  
  
Tsuzuki pouted. "Geez, I didn't know they'd go that far!"  
  
Tatsumi himself was red with embarrassment for what he was about to do. "Never in my life have I done such a thing!"  
  
"It's better than letting that yakuza playboy toy with him all night." Watari the waiter reassured.  
  
"Right! I'm doing this with honor! Let's go, Tsuzuki-san!" the elder man replied as he stood from the table and announced, "I'll bet a thousand US dollars, beat that!"  
  
Watari and an inu-tsuzuki sweatdropped, "Ne, Tatsumi, aren't you a little bit too fast and excited?"  
  
Tatsumi eyed him sharply, "Say that when you do some actual stuff yourself, Tsuzuki-san." He then, turned around to the already staring crowd and turned to Oriya, avoiding Hisoka's eyes. "well, will I get the boy or not?"  
  
For a LONG while, the crowd could only stare. A thousand US dollars IS a lot of money that is almost exaggerating. Most of them frowned and justified,  
  
"I can always have him tomorrow!"  
  
"I'd rather take him when he learns some *things*!"  
  
Remarks like that went on and on until Oriya handed him his prize. "Nice bet." Tatsumi held the boy's waist. "Thank you."  
  
He led the boy to their corner seat with envious eyes following them. "Sit here." Hisoka did as he was told as an arm slid around hid slender shoulders. "Ne, 'soka-chan, time for the real thing, huh?" Tsuzuki's seductive voice made him blushed even more.  
  
Oriya went to sit with then. Then, noticing that NOTHING was happening, he advised, "Better get hot or else they'll get suspicious.'  
  
Tatsumi was still blushing while Tsuzuki was shamelessly kissing Hisoka's cheek. The swordsman's temper loosened up, noticing that Tatsumi still hasn't done anyting. "Well?"  
  
"Ok, ok." Then, addressing the boy, he said, "Kurosaki-kun, what I'm doing is my job and nothing else, understood?" Hisoka nodded as Tsuzuki kissed his hands. doesn't he even realize how erotic it was?   
  
Tatsumi closed an inch or so then nibbled on the boy's neck. Hisoka blushed at his almost expert immediate reaction as he reminded himself that this was a mission, nothing else. This is my job so, it's okay. But. it kinda feels good. They're both good at it. I wonder if they'd done something like this before? Argh! What am I thinking? I have to concentrate on finding the target. he looked over to the hungry and envious eyes looking at him. maybe I'll just do it later.   
  
"Oi, Tatsumi, Tsuzuki, nice job! You're doing it so well!" Watari suddenly exclaimed as he stopped by in the table.  
  
Tsuzuki looked up to meet his friend's gaze. "Yeah! I think I'm enjoying this!" Hisoka resisted the urge to punch him in the face.  
  
Tatsumi blushed again. "I believe your job is done, to be coming up to us at this hour." He sternly replied, then went back on nibbling Hisoka's neck.  
  
Hisoka sighed and looked up at the crowd. The eyes looking at them slowly averted. He was about to say something to Oriya when a handsome man in his early twenties caught his eye. The man licked his lips then smirked that made Hisoka blush.  
  
Then, when he looked up again, the man was gone. who was that? the boy again turned his gaze to Oriya, "As I was saying, our target was killed during a havoc in Kyushu the other day."  
  
"So, what do we do now?"  
  
"Lure the target's son."  
  
End of chapter two  
  
Author's notes:  
  
Hey, people, who do you think or who do you want to be the yakuza's playboy son? Please review and tell me your ideas! It doesn't matter if he's from the Ynm cast or from another anime series. ONEGAI! I need ideas! Again, thanks for reading! I love ya all! 


	3. chapter three

Yakuza Mayhem  
  
Chapter Three: Confusion and Embarrassment  
  
By: yukie-chan!  
  
*** I am really sorry for the very long delay of this crappy fic of mine. I apologize to all my readers! Gomen! I actually forgot all about this when I came up with a new fic! I'm unfair, I know that! I'm really sorry! I'll update more frequently this time!  
  
Replies to reviews  
  
*I don't usually do this but I felt like I have to.  
  
To Aki Rei : I'm really sorry but as you said, hisoka-torture lovers unite, so I continued it! Thanks for all your support! Good fic, by the way!  
  
To Hannah: Don't worry, I won't let a old gay pervert take hii-chan..at least some cute gay pervert. ^ ^  
  
To Elle-FaTe2x1, Ayako: I'm really sorry for making you guys wait this long! I'll try to update more often! I promise!  
  
To Vulpick: You think it's great? Thanks!  
  
To Akurei: Thanks for your suggestion! Thanks for reviewing!  
  
To EmpressXu: Yeah! Thanks for the suggestion!  
  
To ashtorethie: Thanks for giving me suggestions to improve my writing! I appreciate it a lot! I didn't know you were a Filipino. Thanks for reviewing! I'll drink coffee later!  
  
To rei_chan: Thanks for reviewing, my friend!  
  
Well, with the fic!  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
"And how are we supposed to do that?"  
  
"Well.."  
  
"Well.WHAT?!" Hisoka was getting VERY impatient.  
  
"Well..I don't really know," Oriya sweat dropped when he saw the boy staring dagger at him. "Very helpful, Oriya, it will surely help us solve the case. Thanks a lot."  
  
Tatsumi was still * busy * nibbling the boy's neck to avert suspicion when a hyperactive Watari arrived, "Yo, what's up?"  
  
"Our target got killed in a rampage in Kyushu yesterday and the only leads that we have are his sons who happen to be from three different women," Oriya repeated. Then, sensing the blond scientist's curiosity, he continued, "Takamura Kijou was a noted playboy so, they didn't make such a big fuss about it."  
  
"I see. So.what do we do now?" Watari asked.  
  
The swordsman sighed. "Maybe it would be best if--," he stopped as he noticed Hisoka burning with anger.  
  
"You mean that I almost got raped by some pervert and embarrassed on your goddamn brothel for nothing?!" Another death glare. "I'll kill you for your fucking tactics, Oriya!"  
  
Oriya winced; the boy really did look like he was going to rip his heart out. But then, he noticed why the boy didn't do it at once. "Kill me after you push that perverted secretary who's having the time of his life, off you!" he laughed proudly.  
  
The youth could have beaten the redness of a tomato from the blush that crossed his pale complexion. But it was Watari who interrupted the tension. "Ne, Tatsumi-san, you can stop now."  
  
But the secretary continued his 'stuff" as if he heard nothing. "Dame! It looks like Tatsumi is really enjoying it! I've never seen him SO aggressive before!" Tsuzuki said after a long time of silence. * puppy mode * "I'm happy for you, Tatsumi!"  
  
/What was this man thinking?/ Both Oriya and Watari thought. "I pity your insanity, Asato."  
  
"If you value your monthly income, keep your words to yourself!" came Watari's blunt reply.  
  
"Hi~do~iii!" a puppy hissed.  
  
The scientist then turned his attention to his 'busy' friend, "A.anou.Tatsumi, we have to go now."  
  
But still no reply.  
  
"Hmph! Let me handle this." Oriya stood from his seat and walked over to the man. "Still having fun,ne?," he approached the secretary's ear nearer. The glass-eyed men almost jumped from his chair, startled. "Eh?," he was REALLY blushing. "Is there something wrong?"  
  
The man with raven-black hair giggled like a high school girl who just heard a nasty rumour. "Well, everything's wrong. The man that the boy was supposed to seduce got killed in Kyushu and the only leads we have are his sons," he lazily explained, looking bored for having to repeat it for the third time that night. "And..with you, not listening to me for almost an hour and continuously having the time of your life on the boy's neck, if certainly NOT going to help us solve the case," he teased as he returned the enraged boy's words back to him.  
  
Anyone could have sworn that Tatsumi and Hisoka were having a blushing competition.  
  
"A.anou.Tatsumi-san, you ca get off me now.," Hisoka weakly said, trying to get out of the erotic position they were in.  
  
"A.ah.gomen.," Tatsumi shyly apologized, avoiding everyone's interested looks.  
  
After a minute of Tatsumi-gazing, he finally spat, "Why are you looking at me like THAT?!"  
  
A smirk. A giggle. A smile. He almost regretted asking. "Well, I had to do it. It is our job, after all," he stated.  
  
"I see. so, you're really a hard worker, Tatsumi! I envy you!"  
  
Then, came the malicious questions.  
  
"Ne, what did 'Soka-chan taste of?"  
  
"Was it fun?"  
  
"Can you describe the texture, taste and smell? Maybe I can use it for my sex-changing potion! Eureka!"  
  
/ Damn. Damn. Damn. I hate these goddamn, perverted, old men! / Hisoka thought as he was about to pound his fists on the table when, a tanned hand reached his out. "Eh?"  
  
"A beauty such as yourself, shouldn't lose patience I times like this." Red eyes looked up as he met beautiful emeralds, "Schuldich Takamura, if you may," he brought the boy's delicate hands and kissed it.  
  
"Eh?" The boy couldn't understand what was goin on. He was about to kick this guy's ass for ever doing THAT but somehow, he couldn't. The man indeed was very handsome. / No, no, think straight, Kurosaki!" he mentally scolded himself. / Now, back to the situation, he asked for my name, right? Then, I'll give it to him, he doesn't look like a stalker or something. / "Kurosaki Hisoka."  
  
The other four were confusingly figuring out what was going on. It wasn't likely for Hisoka, know for his promising-pain-death-glare would easily give his name to some carrot-head stranger. And Tsuzuki would NOT stand for this.  
  
The amethyst-eyed man drastically took a step forward, possessively slung an arm on Hisoka's slender shoulders, "Excuse me, is something wrong?"  
  
Anyone could sense the pang of jealousy coming from his voice.  
  
"No," he turned his attention to the lovely youth. "Now would you excuse me," he pulled Hisoka away from Tsuzuki and closer to himself. "I presume that you're available tonight, are you?"  
  
/ I'll kill you, you darn pervert! / "Let go of him, you pervert! He's not a whore!"  
  
The carrot head merely chuckled, "How disgusting of you to presume that I'm a pervert. I was asking him out to dinner and not sleep with him."  
  
"I don't care! I won't let anyone touch him!" Tsuzuki retorted, angry of being insulted.  
  
"My, my, what manners you have! You are most certainly not his lover, are you?" he directed his question to Hisoka who shook his head. "I should have known, no one would ever date an idiot like you!"  
  
"Mr. please!" the boy pleaded, not wanting to create a fuss in the room. "Tsuzuki is my friend, he was only concerned."  
  
"If say so.," he immediately dismissed the topic. "So. are you--"  
  
"Have finished your paperwork?" interrupted by a stern voice.  
  
"Oniisan."  
  
~ * ~ * ~ * ~  
  
So.how was it? Was it good? And also, I'd like to thank Akurei and EmpressXu for the suggestions!  
  
Thanks for reading, minna! 


End file.
